I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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