She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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