don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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