the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
