I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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