just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
