It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
