what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize