Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
