sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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