You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
