I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
