We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
