Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
