He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
