i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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