Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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