I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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