anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
