im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
