he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
