I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
