I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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