I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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