Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
