How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize