:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
