I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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