i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
