dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
