...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
