Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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