Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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