Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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