Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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