dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
