i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
