fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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