we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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