your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
