i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
