In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
