Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
