He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
