just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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