y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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