Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
