so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
