Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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