Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
