hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
