Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He better not be in your backpack
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize