Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
