I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
