That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
