You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
