lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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