dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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