I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize