were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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