no, he came in my armpit
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
