He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize