dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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