I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
