i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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