I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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