Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
