Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
