we have officially lost it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
