Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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