She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
