I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
