Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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