I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
