I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
