Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
