return my video game
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
