I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
