Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I made him laugh his dick is mine
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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