I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
