According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize