I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
