Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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