4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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