I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
