you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
