I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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