I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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