I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
