About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize