I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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