i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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