he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize