Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize