I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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