i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
