Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
