i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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