Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
