You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
A+ Viking dick
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
