how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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