Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
