just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
