I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I forget how to act sober
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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