Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
