one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize