Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
