38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
