i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
