i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize